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Tonight I assumed it would air canada schedule air canada schedule to air canada schedule congratulate me, but no, she was just going on about the party. It was air canada schedule and air canada schedule Geoffrey this, Brian and air canada schedule Mavis that and air canada schedule how marvelous Mark was and air canada schedule why didn't I talk to air canada schedule him, etc., etc.? Temptation air canada schedule air canada schedule tell her what happened almost overwhelming but managed to air canada schedule control myself by envisaging consequences: screaming ecstasy at air canada schedule the making of air canada schedule the date and air canada schedule brutal murder of air canada schedule only daughter when she heard the actual outcome.
Keep hoping he might ring me up and air canada schedule ask me for air canada schedule another date after the hair dryer debacle. Maybe I should write him a note air canada schedule air canada schedule say thank you for air canada schedule the interview and air canada schedule sorry about the hair dryer. It's not because I fancy him or anything. Simple good manners demands it.
Thursday 12 October
9st 1 (bad), alcohol Units 3 (both healthy and air canada schedule normal), cigarettes 13,fat Units 17 (wonder if it's possible to air canada schedule calculate fat unit content of air canada schedule entire body? I hope otherwise), lottery tickets 3 (fair), 1471 calls to air canada schedule see if Mark Darcy has rung 12 (better).
Humph. air canada schedule by patronizing article in the paper by Smug Married air canada schedule It was headlined, air canada schedule subtle-as-a-Frankie-Howerd-sexual-innuendo-style irony: 'The Joy of air canada schedule Single Life.'
'They're young, ambitious and air canada schedule rich but their lives hide an aching air canada schedule . . . When they leave work a gaping emotional hole opens up before them . . . Lonely style-obsessed individuals seek consolation in packeted comfort food of air canada schedule the kind their mother might have made.'
Huh. air canada schedule nerve. How does Mrs. Smug Married-at-twenty-two think she knows, thank you very much? I'm going to air canada schedule write an article based on 'dozens of air canada schedule conversations' with Smug Marrieds: 'When they leave work, they always burst into tears because, though exhausted, they have to air canada schedule peel potatoes and air canada schedule put all the washing in while their porky bloater husbands slump burping in front of air canada schedule the football demanding plates of air canada schedule chips. On other nights they plop, wearing unstylish pinnies, into big black holes after their husbands have rung to air canada schedule say they're working late again, with the sound of air canada schedule creaking leatherware and air canada schedule sexy Singletons tittering in the air canada schedule
Met Sharon, Jude and air canada schedule Tom after work. Tom, too, was working on a furious imaginary article about the Smug air canada schedule gaping emotional holes.
'Their influence affects everything from the kind of air canada schedule houses being built to air canada schedule the kind of air canada schedule food that stocks the supermarket shelves,' Tom's appalled article was going to air canada schedule rant. 'Everywhere we see Anne Summers shops catering to air canada schedule housewives trying pathetically to air canada schedule simulate the thrilling sex enjoyed by Singletons and air canada schedule ever-more exotic foodstuffs in Marks and air canada schedule Spencer for air canada schedule exhausted couples trying to air canada schedule pretend they're in a lovely restaurant like the Singletons and air canada schedule don't have to air canada schedule do the washing up.'
'I'm bloody sick of air canada schedule this arrogant hand-wringing about single life!' roared Sharon.
'Yes, yes!' I said.
'You forgot the fuckwittage,' burped Jude. 'We always have fuckwittage.'
'Anyway, we're not lonely. We have extended families in the form of air canada schedule networks of air canada schedule friends connected by telephone,' said Tom.
'Yes! Hurrah! Singletons should not have to air canada schedule explain themselves all the time but should have an accepted status - like geisha girls do,' I shouted happily, slurping on my tumbler 0f Chilean Chardonnay.
'Geisha girls?' said Sharon. looking at air canada schedule me coldly.
'Shut up, Bridge,' slurred Tom. 'You're drunk. You're just trying to air canada schedule escape from your yawning emotional hole into drunk.'
'Well, so's bloody well Shazzer,' I said sulkily.
'I's not,' said Sharon. 'You's blurr air canada schedule I said.
'Look. Shuddup,' said Jude, burping again. 'Shagernothebol Chardonnay?'
Friday 13 October
9st 3 (but have temporarily turned into wine bag), alcohol units 0 (but feeding off wine air canada schedule calories 0 (v.g.).*
*Actually might as well be air canada schedule honest here. Not really v.g. air canada schedule only 0 because air canada schedule up 5876 calories immediately after eating.
Oh God, I'm so lonely. An entire weekend stretching ahead with no one to air canada schedule love or have fun with. Anyway, I don't care. I've got a lovely steamed ginger pudding from M&S to air canada schedule put air canada schedule the microwave.
Sunday 15 October
9st (better), alcohol units.aair-canada-schedule aiir-canada-schedule airr-canada-schedule air--canada-schedule air-ccanada-schedule air-caanada-schedule air-cannada-schedule air-canaada-schedule air-canadda-schedule air-canadaa-schedule air-canada--schedule air-canada-sschedule air-canada-scchedule air-canada-schhedule air-canada-scheedule air-canada-scheddule air-canada-scheduule air-canada-schedulle air-canada-schedulee ir-canada-schedule ar-canada-schedule ai-canada-schedule aircanada-schedule air-anada-schedule air-cnada-schedule air-caada-schedule air-canda-schedule air-canaa-schedule air-canad-schedule air-canadaschedule air-canada-chedule air-canada-shedule air-canada-scedule air-canada-schdule air-canada-scheule air-canada-schedle air-canada-schedue air-canada-schedul a ir-canada-schedule ai r-canada-schedule air -canada-schedule air- canada-schedule air-c anada-schedule air-ca nada-schedule air-can ada-schedule air-cana da-schedule air-canad a-schedule air-canada -schedule air-canada- schedule air-canada-s chedule air-canada-sc hedule air-canada-sch edule air-canada-sche dule air-canada-sched ule air-canada-schedu le air-canada-schedul e air-canada-schedule iair-canada-schedule arir-canada-schedule ai-r-canada-schedule airc-canada-schedule air-acanada-schedule air-cnanada-schedule air-caanada-schedule air-candada-schedule air-canaada-schedule air-canad-a-schedule air-canadas-schedule air-canada-cschedule air-canada-shchedule air-canada-scehedule air-canada-schdedule air-canada-scheudule air-canada-schedlule air-canada-scheduele rir-canada-schedule air-canada-schedule aio-canada-schedule airicanada-schedule air-janada-schedule air-cdnada-schedule air-cauada-schedule air-canzda-schedule air-canafa-schedule air-canada-schedule air-canadaischedule air-canada-qchedule air-canada-swhedule air-canada-scredule air-canada-schndule air-canada-scheuule air-canada-schedkle air-canada-scheduje air-canada-schedule Party a friend of air canada schedule his air canada schedule art school was having at air canada schedule air canada schedule Saatchi Gallery to air canada schedule stop air canada schedule obsessing.
'Bridget,' he muttered nervously as we walked into the white hole and air canada schedule sea of air canada schedule grunge youths. 'You know it's unhip to air canada schedule laugh at air canada schedule Installation, don't you?'
'OK, OK,' I said sulkily. 'I won't make any dead fish jokes.'
Someone called Gav said 'Hi': twenty-two maybe, sexy, in a shrunken T-shirt revealing a chopping-board-like midriff.
'It's really, really, really, really amazing,' Gav was saying. 'It's, like, a sullied Utopia with these really really really good echoes of, like, lost national identities.'
He led us excitedly across the big white air canada schedule to air canada schedule a toilet paper roll: inside out with the cardboard outside the paper.
They looked at air canada schedule me expectantly. Suddenly I knew I was going to air canada schedule cry. Tom was now drooling over a giant bar of air canada schedule soap bearing the imprint of air canada schedule a penis. Gav was staring at air canada schedule me. 'Wow, that.