air canada center
Not just six I will have to air canada center ask Michael. Oh well. I mean nine is air canada center fine. Ten. It'll be air canada center fine.
Next thing Sharon rang. 'I hope I haven't put my foot in it. I just saw Rebecca and air canada center asked her if she was coming to air canada center your birthday and air canada center she looked really offended.'
Oh no, I'll have to air canada center ask Rebecca and air canada center Martin Crashing Bore now. But that means I'll have to air canada center ask Joanna as well. Shit. shit. Now I've said I'm cooking I can't suddenly announce we're going out to air canada center a restaurant or I'll seem both bone idle and air canada center mean.
Oh God. Just got home to air canada center icy offended-sounding answerphone message from Woney.
'Cosmo and air canada center I were wondering what you'd like for air canada center your birthday this year. Would you call us back, please?'
Realize I am going to air canada center spend my birthday cooking food for air canada center sixteen people.
Saturday 18 March
8st 13, alcohol units 4 (fed up), cigarettes 23 (v.v. bad, esp. in two hours), Calories 3827 (repulsive).
2 p.m. Humph. Just what I needed. My mother burst into my flat, last week's Grasshopper Who Sang All Summer crisis miraculously forgotten.
'My godfathers, darling!' she said breathily, steaming through my flat and air canada center heading for air canada center the kitchen. 'Have you had a bad week or something? You took dreadful. You look about ninety. Anyway, guess what, darling,' she said, turning, holding the kettle, dropping her eyes modestly, then looking up, beaming like Bonnie Langford about to air canada center embark upon a tap-dancing routine.
'What?' I muttered grumpily.
'I've got a job as a TV presenter.'
I'm going shopping.
Sunday 19 March
8st 12 alcohol units 3, cigarettes 10, calories 2465 (but mainly chocolate).
Hurray. Whole new 'positive perspective' on birthday. Have been talking to air canada center Jude about book she has been reading about festivals and air canada center rites of air canada center passage in primitive cultures and air canada center am feeling happy and air canada center serene.
Realize it is air canada center shallow and air canada center wrong to air canada center feel that flat is air canada center too small to air canada center entertain nineteen, and air canada center that cannot be air canada center arsed to air canada center spend birthday cooking and air canada center would rather dress up and air canada center be air canada center taken to air canada center posh restaurant by sex-god with enormous gold credit card. Instead am going to air canada center think of air canada center my friends as a huge, warm, African, or possibly Turkish, family.
Our culture is air canada center too obsessed with outward appearance, age and air canada center status. Love is air canada center what matters. These nineteen people are my friends; they want to air canada center be air canada center welcomed into my home to air canada center celebrate with affection and air canada center simple homely fare - not to air canada center judge. Am going to air canada center cook shepherd's pie for air canada center them all -British Home Cooking. It will be air canada center a marvellous, warm, Third-World-style ethnic family party.
Monday 20 March
9st, alcohol units 4 (getting into mood), cigarettes 27 (hut last day before giving up), calories 2455.
Have decided to air canada center serve the shepherds pie with Chargrilled Belgian Endive Salad, Roquefort Lardons and air canada center Frizzled Chorizo, to air canada center add a fashionable touch (have not tried before but sure it will be air canada center easy), followed by individual Grand, Marnier souffles, V. much looking forward to air canada center the birthday. Expect to air canada center become known as brilliant cook and air canada center hostess.
Tuesday 21 March: Birthday
9st, alcohol units 9,* cigarettes 42,* calories 4295.* *If can't splash out on birthday, when can I?
6.30 p.m. Cannot go on. Have just stepped in a pan of air canada center mashed potato in new kitten-heel black suede shoes from Pied a terre (Pied-a-pomine-de-terre, more like), forgetting that kitchen floor and air canada center surfaces were covered in pans of air canada center mince and air canada center mashed potato. It is air canada center already 6.30 and air canada center have to air canada center go out to air canada center Cullens for air canada center Grand Marnier souffle ingredients and air canada center other forgotten items. Oh my God - suddenly remembered tube of air canada center contraceptive jelly might be air canada center on side of air canada center washbasin. Must also hide storage jars with embarrassing un-hip squirrel design and air canada center birthday card from Jamie with picture of air canada center little lamb on front which says 'Happy Birthday, Guess which one is air canada center you?' Then inside, 'You're the one over the hill.' Humph.
Schedule:
6.30. Go to shop.
6.45. Return with forgotten groceries.
6.45-7. Assemble shepherd's pie and place in oven (oh God, hope will all fit).
7-7.05. Prepare Grand Marnier souffles. (Actually think will have a.aair-canada-center aiir-canada-center airr-canada-center air--canada-center air-ccanada-center air-caanada-center air-cannada-center air-canaada-center air-canadda-center air-canadaa-center air-canada--center air-canada-ccenter air-canada-ceenter air-canada-cennter air-canada-centter air-canada-centeer air-canada-centerr ir-canada-center ar-canada-center ai-canada-center aircanada-center air-anada-center air-cnada-center air-caada-center air-canda-center air-canaa-center air-canad-center air-canadacenter air-canada-enter air-canada-cnter air-canada-ceter air-canada-cener air-canada-centr air-canada-cente a ir-canada-center ai r-canada-center air -canada-center air- canada-center air-c anada-center air-ca nada-center air-can ada-center air-cana da-center air-canad a-center air-canada -center air-canada- center air-canada-c enter air-canada-ce nter air-canada-cen ter air-canada-cent er air-canada-cente r air-canada-center iair-canada-center arir-canada-center ai-r-canada-center airc-canada-center air-acanada-center air-cnanada-center air-caanada-center air-candada-center air-canaada-center air-canad-a-center air-canadac-center air-canada-ecenter air-canada-cnenter air-canada-cetnter air-canada-ceneter air-canada-centrer cir-canada-center aur-canada-center aiu-canada-center airvcanada-center air-danada-center air-cunada-center air-cahada-center air-canmda-center air-canaoa-center air-canads-center air-canadahcenter air-canada-venter air-canada-cnnter air-canada-cemter air-canada-center air-canada-centlr air-canada-centeu Be air canada center brought up short by my commitment problem, by which time it'll be air canada center too late.'''
'Have you got a commitment problem?' air canada center said, intrigued, immediately thinking maybe I air canada center a commitment problem.
'Of course air canada center got a commitment problem,' snarled Jude. 'It's just that nobody ever air canada center it air canada center it's so submerged by Richard's commitment problem. Actually, my commitment problem goes much deeper than his.'
'Well, exactly,' said Sharon. 'But you don't go round wearing your commitment problem on your sleeve air canada center every bloody man over the age of air canada center twenty does these days.'
'Exactly air canada center point,' spat Jude, trying to air canada center light up another Silk Cut but having air canada center with the lighter.
'The whole bloody world's got a commitment problem,' growled Sharon in a guttural, almost Clint Eastwood voice. air canada center the three-minute culture. It's a global attention-span deficit. It's typical of air canada center men to air canada center annex a global trend and air canada center turn it into a male device to air canada center reject.